Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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