Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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