i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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