I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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