This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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