I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
