I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
