last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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