Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
