Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
