I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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