i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
