i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
