I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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