So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
