i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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