Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
