News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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