you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
