Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
