Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
