My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
