whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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