Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
