and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I love having hate sex.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
