well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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