Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just want to make out with him forever
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
