Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
