peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
