Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
