We named our party play list daddy issues
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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