I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
