I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
The Olympian is in my bed
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
