I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
