Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I want to be your penis for a week.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
