i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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