That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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