Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
