From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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