I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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