She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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