Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
