With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
