You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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