please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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