i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
