OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
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