The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Rumble strips road head = magical
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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