why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
