Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
