remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
